heavy heart

I know my heart is really only the size of my fist but it feels much heavier than that today. Sometimes it feels like I have an football in my chest or something. Many things seem to affect how the weight my heart is. Today it is many things.

First, I still don't know what I'm going to do after May. Should I teach, should I work at a church as a music guy, should I work at a coffee shop so we can open one up later? I just don't know yet. (If anyone thinks they have a great option for me, please let me know.) It seems that I would like to take a step away from the collegiate ministry scene for awhile. You can ask me about that if you would like...

Second, financial anxiety...enough on that.

Thirdly, relationships tend to weigh on me. When I feel like sticking up for a friend who I believe is somewhat being abused by another friend, my heart gets heavy. When I feel like a friend isn't being listened to or I feel like I'm not really being listened to then I feel the weight of that. More and more I realize how important it is to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19-20). I'm yearning for the living out of brotherly love, genuine love, love that does not insist on its own way, basically the biblical descriptions of love, esp. in Romans 12:9-21 and 1 Corinthians 13. I want to love like that and be loved like that. At least that is what I want to pursue.

Fourthly, there seem to be many people around me that enjoy spending time with me. But it is difficult to hold out the word of life to them. I want to know how best to answer each person. I want speech that is gracious, seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6). I want none of my words to fall to the ground, like the Lord did with Samuel's words (1 Samuel 3:19). I desire to see people experience life, true life in Christ. I'm on my knees asking for wisdom.

It feels good to get that weight off my chest so to speak. It doesn't decrease the weight but maybe a fellow brother or sister will come along and help me bear the weight. Thanks for reading...